


Minor Realms

by rorywritesstuff



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Metafiction, classification, fan wiki, realms, revenge on the real world, wiki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8570335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorywritesstuff/pseuds/rorywritesstuff
Summary: Inspired by a comment on the Once Upon A Time wiki, saying they should make a 'Minor Realms' page (I actually think it's a good idea, I just thought it would be funny to see how the characters would react.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> The comment in question is at the top of the story.

“‘Minor Realm’ indeed!” Cruella nearly punched her hand through the computer monitor. “How dare they?”

“Let it go,” the Blind Witch sighed, “it’s not worth getting angry over.”

“That’s never stopped me before.” Cruella pulled out her phone and started tapping furiously at the screen.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Whale. And what happened to that one shot guy? You know, the one with the hair?”

“Regina stabbed him.”

“Well, Whale can bring him back as well. He’ll want in on this.”

“In on what?”

Cruella just smiled in return.

The Blind Witch clapped excitedly, “Ooh, a raid! On the other world? Can I come?”

Cruella smiled and clucked affectionately, but shook her head. “Sorry, darling; this is personal.”

**--**--**

The Wiki Moderator smiled and leant back in his chair. It had been a good day; he’d cleared up a few chronology issues, caught some grammar mistakes and made sure the Wonderland article was up to scratch. Things had to be kept in shape.

Suddenly, the room shook. He jumped up from his chair and turned to see Cruella de Vil, Doctor Frankenstein and the Count of Monte Cristo watching him. This was definitely non-canon.

“Two of you are dead,” was all he could think to say.

“I bought them back.” Frankenstein commented, snapping a pair of rubber gloves together.

Cruella purred, “I’m a Frankenstein.”

“-‘s Monster.” The Wiki Moderator corrected.

She arched an eyebrow, “For that, I’m going to kill you twice.”

“You can’t kill.” The Moderator responded; at the time, he’d thought that twist was dumb but now he was very grateful for it.

“But I can!” The Count of Monte Cristo suddenly drew his sword and charged. The Moderator, struck with inspiration, turned and pressed a key on his computer, deleting the count’s page from the wiki. He dissolved into nothing and his sword clattered on the floor.

Cruella and Frankenstein stepped back in surprise. The moderator smiled.

“And as for you…” he pointed at Frankenstein and then highlighted some text on his computer and erased it. In a flash of light, Frankenstein changed back into Dr. Whale, his cursed self. “I just deleted the part of the story where you remembered who you were.”

“Where am I?” Whale looked around, confused and then shrugged, “Oh well, best get back to the hospital.” He left.

“And what about me?” Cruella asked, moving slowly towards the Moderator.

“What about you? You’re harmless.”

“True, true.” She finally reached the computer desk and ran a finger along it, as though checking for dust. She was infuriatingly sultry. “And I don’t even this wretched thing-” she pointed at the computer, “is powerful enough to undo the Author’s handiwork.”

“Well then, I guess you’d better leave.”

“But I’m not the only one you insulted,” Cruella continued, ignoring him, “the entirety of my world, minor as it was. And the Count’s.”

“And Whale’s.”

“Yes, but even I’m not stupid enough to set foot in there.” She circled once around the Moderator, sizing him up, and then began to walk back towards the door, “I decided some other people might want to know what you said.”

“Oh no, is the Great Gatsby going to party at me?”

“No, no; Jay’s face down in the pool where I left him. You’ve got a point, though, everyone else from my realm is a feckless flapper. But Monte’s world had a couple of viable candidates- I wanted to bring in those strapping young men from _Les Mis_ , but they were all so idealistic...” She trailed off, but kept walking.

The Moderator didn’t like the space she seemed to be putting between herself and him. “So who did you call?”

“Well, the only notable from the 19th century who I could be absolutely certain I could control.” She opened her mouth ever so slightly and a wisp of green smoke escaped and shot downwards through the floor, which suddenly began to tremor violently.

The room rocked from side to side. The computer monitor fell off its desk and smashed. The Moderator fell against the wall and tried to prop himself up. “Who did you call? Who?”

Cruella smiled maliciously, and then cooed “Oh, Moby…”


End file.
